Getting older hurts some

 April 8, 2025

Well, it's been a long April already.  I have been going to PT for the last 3 weeks.  this would be the 4th week.  I pulled a muscle in my back/hip.  no broken bones, just muscle and tendon. I think.

i was on muscle relaxers for weeks.  then the PT 

I went to one doctor, and he gave me muscle relaxers, and they just did not work.  it was awful.  

Sent an online note to my GP and saw a wonderful doctor in her office who reminded me of two things.  I have scoliosis and i had this problem a year ago and got x-rays.    He tood me seriously and I will be so grateful.   (on a side note, Terry was with me in the office.  i am not sure if that is the reason or not)

He told me I needed to strengthen my core.  gave me muscle relaxers and sent me to PT  

as of today 9/5/25, as long as I do my exercises and keep my weight at 160 or lower I am doing good.

9/25/25  tweaked my back.  and my neck hurts.  hahaha   .... 

 

disappointed in myself

4/3/25:  Lots happening.  Evelyn passed away march 23 at 10:08  ...   I decided to retire in two years ... maybe sooner.  

3/19/25  I know i am better than that.  i am working on my resume'  i hope i can finish it in time.

3/11/25:  things have changed.   CF wrote a letter to the TM.  Letter basically is a reward for the other two.. eh. 

2/25/25  I am better.  on muscle relaxers.. pt starts next week to build my core.   well... i am trying to get a better view.. i need to meditate. haha

foxwoods tomorrow for three days  two nights free.  ha  

had to forego getting my car done.  so mad.  machanic came in double what he told me.  i said no i cannot afford it.  i was so mad, big feelings, came out in water works eh.  picked up the dart today at lunch.  so mad at tp... oh well.  mad at me too  sometimes i think the best and forget they can't reach ... so i need to do something nice for someone.  R&R visit on friday.  :)  

2/12/25

I am better, i think.   fyi:  people are fn rude

 2/11/25

When you know the person above you is worth more and you fight to get them to try to move up.  so you too can move up. and you are side swiped by the energetic bunny in another office.  I am so mad at myself for allowing others to get the better of me.  now i will never go anywhere.  3 years ...   i hope i can finish. 

I see nothing ..

my hip hurts or is it my ego ...  i don't know how this is making feel better.  writing that is.  i am feeling worse.  i have to let it go.  i have no control over this situation.  too many roadblocks 

Why am i allowing this to upset me so much.  I don't know.  probably because i don't feel like i am worthy of anything.  sigh.   I don't do anything right. :(   

tired of this .....  well right now I am.

It's been an hour .. i am feeling better.  i just need to decompress.   I am sad. not sure i will be able to write about it right now. but the overall feeling is sadness, stupidly and overlooked.  

anyway.   hoping for a better afternoon.   (real time tears) eh

here it is another hour gone by.  i am better ... went home for lunch.  

i just need to let go.   figure something out